At my lowest weight, I was 35 pounds lighter than I am today

Eating disorders suck. Am I right or what? I rarely even use that word, but as I was writing this I thought of a few choice words in regards to eating disorders, so I thought I should just stick with that one. We like to keep it clean here at Made in His Image, if you know what I mean.

But in all seriousness, it’s such a trap you get sucked into and it literally saps you of the life that God created you for. He didn’t create you to have zero energy, want to sleep all day, be depressed, not enjoy your friends, and count calories all day and night. He created you to live your life, not just survive.

Now you might be thinking, what does this woman know about eating disorders? I know because I was a slave to one for years. At my lowest weight, I was 35 pounds lighter than I am today. It’s a miracle I’m alive. I was depressed, felt helpless, hopeless and miserable. My goal in life was to be thin. How lame is that? Not to mention unfulfilling, because the reality of the situation is that with each pound I lost, each meal I skipped, each work out, and each size I dropped I was one step closer to unhappiness, instead of the happiness and peace I yearned for. I thought being a certain weight would make it all better, but it didn’t. It made it worst.

I truly believe that eating disorders are the underlining cause for a deeper wound. For me it was the wound of abuse. For every woman it is something different. And that is why I stress counseling so much to the women I speak with, because when you deal with the underlining issue, it helps with the struggle of an eating disorder. I’m not going to say recover is easy, because it’s not. It was hard as hell. But I will say this, it’s worth it.

I’m sitting at my desk eating peanut butter M&M’s and drinking cranberry raspberry juice (my favorite post running juice, no mom, not a protein shake – I really don’t like those) and when I had my eating disorder that never would have been possible. It gets easier, I promise you that. And freedom is amazing and you deserve it!

So today, take just one tiny step towards recovery. And that looks different for everyone, because everyone’s journey is different. Maybe it’s taking one more bite of food, not weighing yourself for one hour, looking in the mirror and seeing beauty in your reflection, eating dinner, not exercising to excess, not binging/purging, running 3 miles instead of 8 miles or actually working out if you struggle with not working out. Whatever it is, you can, and will succeed with God’s help. But you have to let go. And that’s hard, but you can do it. Just ask Him how.

And be patient with yourself. Recovery is a process and above all things ask for grace from the Father. And thank Him, for without Him we can do nothing.

P.S. You are enough.