Sex and Dating

By Kate Van Valkenburg | Guest Blogger

I never thought I was going to get married. I always assumed that I was too tall, ugly and unlovable. I knew God loved me but I just couldn’t see how a man would want to have me. Besides, I watched my girlfriends in high school get repeatedly hurt by the men in their lives. I also, had been hurt by some men in my life and was disgusted by the idea of dating. Dating in my mind was like letting a man take a dagger and stab you. I did not want to hurt myself or place myself in a desperate situation. The only dating relationships I had seen were physical relationships. I had no idea that chastity was an option for dating. I sincerely thought that the only way to keep a man was to sleep with him. I was disgusted with my body and I didn’t think anyone would want me. I was also afraid of becoming pregnant or emotionally scared. I knew that I didn’t want to sleep with any man I dated. So, dating as I knew it then was not an option. Despite these thoughts, I wanted to know what it would be like to have a healthy, and holy relationship with a man. With this mindset I left home for college.

God wanted to heal me. That was when he introduced me to my fiancé. It was through this relationship that God showed me how beautiful the vocation to marriage is. God also used my relationship to show me how a real man treats a woman. Although my fiancé is not perfect, he has shown me that a true man of God strives to be gentle, patient, honest and pure. It was by showing me these qualities that I began to understand what a good man is.

Slowly through many years and tears I began to understand that it was God’s way of healing and teaching me. Through dating I began to understand how God views dating and marriage. Dating is a form of discerning whether two people should get married. Marriage is the lifelong covenant between a man and woman, that is designed to be an example of God’s love within the world through each spouse and their children. God has given me my fiancé to show me the true meaning of love. The true meaning of love is selfless sacrifice. God selflessly sacrificed his own Son Jesus. We are all called to receive and give of love to the best of our abilities and talents. Anything less than this is less than we deserve. God will show you how He wants you to love if you ask Him.

P.S. You are enough.