For All of My Single Ladies
By Kathryn Gibbs | Guest Blogger
Photo credit: Donna Irene Photography
A lot of my friends right now are struggling in their singleness, either battling the shame of past decisions or the hurt of past relationships. While I understand what they are feeling, I think that maybe God gives us those experiences, along with the hurt, to know what we deserve, who we are capable of loving and what we should refuse to settle upon. There are so many of us ladies who get weighed down by what we believe a man to be – with thoughts like, what if no guy out there finds me desirable? or Oh I’ll never find a man with all those qualities. Or (my personal cynical favorite), well all guys are like that. But maybe those assumptions, regretful memories, and past hurts are the devil’s way of holding us down from hoping there could be anything better, that our hearts are capable of more, a love story that God Himself has designed.
Just like love is a choice, hope is a choice and I get to choose to hope. I get to choose to hope that one day, I will gaze upon a handsome, faithful man in a sharp suit who will be my husband, waiting for me at the altar. I get to choose to be hopeful for the men in my life, which includes my brothers in Christ who are struggling with their own crosses. I get to choose to let Christ surprise me with a love story far better than my simple-minded limitations could give me.
Just like all women, I want a man who will fight for me, who will pursue my heart and see the beauty God has created in me, but somehow I forget. I forget that Christ is a Man who always chooses me and constantly fights for me on the cross, never giving up on winning my affection. We forget that what we yearn for in our hearts has been placed there by a God who yearns even more to be desired by us. Jesus is always at the altar, wanting to give of Himself entirely. Christ is pursuing you, giving you an example of how a man should be pursuing you – actively, relentlessly, unconditionally. He is the world’s biggest romantic (just look at any sunset) and He wants to give you every desire your heart longs for.
In order to do that, He wants you to first know who He is as Love before He can replicate that in your life. He wants you to know who you are, even if that means making the dark corners of your heart vulnerable to Him. If you’re going through a dark time of heartbreak or doubt, give Jesus a chance to romance you, as corny as they may initially sound. When I find myself caught in moments of isolation or loneliness, I ask Christ, Could You show me how You love me today? Could you wrap Your Arms around me right now so I find strength in Your embrace?
Sometimes I think Christ gives us periods of heartbreak and singleness to cry out to us, “No, no my darling, can’t you see how much I long to hear from you in the same way you long to hear from him? Don’t you see how I long to be noticed by you in the way you long to be noticed by him? That I wait for you in the same way you wait for him? That I don’t want you to let Me go in the same way that you don’t want him to let you go?”
I think, as women, if our hearts ached for Christ in the same way that our hearts ache after a bad break-up, we would recognize more how we are truly capable of being loved and how we should be loved.
Ladies, if you are struggling right now, wishing your situation was different or dwelling in the shame of past guilt, God is right there with you by your side, especially in the moments where you find yourself thinking, How am I going to get past this? and Why does this have to hurt so much? Let God hold you in His healing Arms today, He can bear looking into the hurt in your heart and would be honored to do that for you, trust me. And just remember, you can embrace the pain, heck, even after His resurrection, Christ still had scars. But you are not defined by those wounds, have confidence in Our Good Father that He knows all of His daughter’s needs. Here’s a prayer that has helped me along that way that might help you too.
Be Satisfied with Me (by St. Anthony of Padua)
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But to a Christian, God says, “No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing, one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that’s all. Don’t be anxious, don’t worry
Don’t look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don’t look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly. I Am God.
Believe it and be satisfied.
P.S. You are enough.
