What’s a girl to do during lent with an eating disorder?

By Christine Saah:

I have never felt more burdened than the last couple of weeks. In a way, I am losing my focus on recovery. I have not been praying. I have neglected my usual daily Mass attendance. I just feel like the most unmotivated person when it comes to maintaining my relationship with God. I cannot figure out what triggered my current downward slope, but constantly trying to find out why it happened has not helped. It’s made things worse. My despair made me fear Lent. I feared that God might actually change me, even though I have slipped up. After many tears and talks with my closest friends, I finally know that the last thing I should be doing is running from Christ.

Now that it’s officially Lent,  I recognize the invitation to walk in the desert with Christ. I see the call to share in the suffering He endured. The end result of His suffering changed everyone’s fates. Dying on the cross and rising from the dead on Easter are proof that victory has been won. Christ has won my heart. He has also endured the battles and struggles we all have. On that cross, Christ saw every single ounce of pain each one of us would experience. He is right here with me, and you, as we struggle to feel good enough.

These 40 days were hell for Christ, and are not meant to be a blissful occasion for us. We had to fast on Ash Wednesday. We can’t eat meat on Friday’s. We are called to either give something up or do something extra. Some people do the usual things like giving up sweets or favorite foods. This can be painful, but cannot compare to being nailed on a cross with a crown of thorns. I found myself wanting to give up all unhealthy foods, but I felt like focusing on food would have fed into my eating disorder more. Instead, Lent must be 40 days of intense recovery. This means intense prayer, fasting from bad habits. and forgiving.

Praying to God about everything is totally okay. God is right there ready to guide you. He wants to know your needs. Fasting from bad habits means not staring at myself in the mirror too long. I can cut back from weighing myself. I can also cut the word CALORIE out of my vocabulary. I can challenge every negative thought that comes my way by saying a prayer. Forgiving is also a way to turn to the Lord. Forgiving is essential, because God is willing to forgive all of us so we should at least be able to do the same for others. We need to also do the same for ourselves. My missionary friend told me to make a list of people who I needed to forgive and to pray for them each week of Lent. All of these things are difficult, but worth it.

All I need to do is look at the cross and know that this suffering is a way to imitate Christ and a way to open my heart to know his love for me and for everyone out there. Suffering is the most beautiful part of being human.

P.S. An amazing woman involved with MIHI has started a facebook page that you should definitely check out! It’s called Daughter’s of God and it exists to encourage women to become who God meant them to be so that they can set the world on fire for Him. To help them grow in virtue and in their identity as daughters of God and inspire them on their faith journey towards eternal happiness.

You can “like” her page by clicking HERE!

P.S.S. You are enough.