Will I Ever Be “Normal?”
If I had a penny for every time I asked myself that question when I had an eating disorder I’d be a rich woman.
Why is it that she can eat pizza, then ice cream and wake up the next morning and eat breakfast without worrying about her weight? Plus, she doesn’t exercise. I mean come on, what is up with that? And here I am eating next to nothing and exercising daily and still feel fat. What is wrong with me? Will I ever be free from these thoughts that plague me constantly? Will I ever be able to enjoy food again? Will I ever be able to eat like I use to and not think of myself as fat? Will I ever be able to run in moderation? Will I ever be normal again?
Welcome to my past thoughts that consumed me for years.
Recently, with the launch of Made in His Image I have reflected extensively about where I have been in life and where God has brought me through His grace and healing. He desires the same for you. Healing is a gift, just like the cross, none of us earn or are entitled to healing. But, with the proper disposition, we can cooperate with God’s will for our lives.
When everything seems to go wrong – maybe you overeat, under eat, exercise in excess or dwell on negative thoughts, the essential component in overcoming these behaviors is hope. Don’t dwell on your mistakes, acknowledge them so as not to deny they exist and ask for God’s grace to begin again. Each new sunrise marks the beginning of a new day, another opportunity to strive after holiness, virtue, moderation in exercise, positive thoughts, eating in moderation for those who overeat and striving to eat for those who restrict.
God is behind everything. Implore Him to assist you, the key to recovery is prayer and grace. And when you fall, dust off the dirt as you rise to thank God and begin again, always embracing each opportunity in life to seek beauty.
Also, turn to Mary as your mother and ask her to help you. I read the following from The Privilege of Being a Woman and it struck my heart as to how esteemed Mary is. Ask her to be your mother, tell her how much it hurts, how badly you desire healing and how you need Heavenly grace to continue in your fight for freedom. She is always listening to you and will take your petitions to her Son.
“Satan fears Mary not only more than all angels and men, but in some sense more than God Himself. It is not that the anger, hatred and the power of God are not infinitely greater than those of the Mary. But it is because Satan, being proud, suffers infinitely more from being beaten and punished by a little and humble handmaid of God, and her humility humbles him more than the divine power. The devils fear one of her sighs for a soul more than the prayers of all the saints, and one of her menaces against them more than all other torments.” – The Privilege of Being a Woman, by Alice Von Hildebrand
