100 Days Binge and Purge FREE!!
By Christine Saah | Guest Blogger
100 days ago I made up my mind that I owed it to myself to fight for freedom. I am a daughter of God and my Father wanted to finally help me heal after I had resisted His help for so long. My eating disorder kept me from being close to God, the source of life, happiness and love. I know this because I’ve had so many highs and lows with recovery for the past two years.
The highs I experienced were wonderful and always gave me hope. I cried for joy the first time I could go to a shopping mall and try on clothes that fit without feeling ugly. I jumped up and down the first time I saw my real reflection and not the distorted image I normally saw. Did these highs last? No. I failed to see that each small moment alone would not be enough to recover, but now I know that all of these small moments together are what I needed to build up enough strength to overcome the temptations I face. I ask myself everyday what was different about this stage of recovery. I like to say stage, because even the failures I had were steps towards freedom.
100 days ago I had just gone on a FOCUS mission trip to the Bronx to serve the elderly in the Jeanne Jugan Nursing Home. After praying with FOCUS missionaries, college students and the Little Sisters of the Poor daily, I felt closer to God. I had more peace despite my struggles. One thing I wanted to do was leave school, but this mission trip gave me the strength to remain. My eating disorder has always made me run away when life gets too scary, and I wasn’t going to let ED make me leave school.
In order to survive school, I set goals. First, I had to continue counseling until the end of the school year. I always got excited about counseling at first, but as I looked deeper within myself I wanted to avoid it. I was fully aware of my pattern so I went every session, even though I hardly felt like it. Once again, ED was not going to stop me. Second, I made it a goal to attend mass every single day until the end of the school year. I am very happy to say that I went every day from about Mid-April until Mid-May. Communion with Christ, and frequent confession helped me through the last few months and continue to do so.
So where am I now? I find myself on a summer long mission to teach children about Jesus Christ. Did my eating disorder try to stop me? Yes. I doubted myself daily at training in May. Once I got out to my first camp, my doubt melted away. I knew I was capable and worthy to serve God in this way. It’s through serving others that I find so much healing. Maura and Made in His Image have been with me in every step of recovery, and continue to guide me towards freedom, even in moments of temptation. I have the thoughts, but choose not to act. Made in His Image reminds me daily of my dignity and that I have the strength to walk away from disordered eating behaviors. I want to be able to say that I am 10 years free of my eating disorder and I have hope that day will come.
Helpful Tips:
- Prayer: God wants to know what you need help with. You can start off with just 10 minutes a day or saying Jesus when you are tempted. Pray with the Blessed Sacrament in Adoration. Pray the Rosary everyday in honor of your own recovery. The blessed Mother will comfort you. Do what suits you, as long as you pray.
- Practice the sacraments: Confession and Communion. If you can go to daily mass, please go. You may not see the fruits of it right away, but in time you will see what it does for you. It can only do good things. If you can’t handle mass daily, always go on Sunday and aim for one other day.
- Counseling: It may seem silly or boring, but it’s worth it. Even if you don’t like your counselor, he/she still wants to help you. Accept the help, and make that commitment to yourself to make every appointment. Just go. Try to incorporate your spiritual life into counseling and it will be even more fruitful.
P.S. You are enough.
