Dating: It’s not a fairytale, it’s work

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By Maura Byrne | Founder of Made in His Image

Photo credit: Donna Irene Photography

Our society tries to make women believe that dating is supposed to be like the TV show Sex and the City. Well let me tell you something, that is a lie from the pit of hell. That’s not dating, that’s glorified objectification and impurity at its finest. An authentic man doesn’t taint a woman’s purity. An authentic man stands up to heroically protect it, and vice versa. And this takes work, and a lot of it.

I know a gentleman who was attracted to a Catholic woman’s beauty. He desperately wanted to date her, but every time he asked her out, she said no. After several rejections, he smartly figured out that he would have to change his lifestyle if he was to win her heart. He started going to Mass, praying, and living morally. He continued to develop his relationship with God, then asked her out again. She said yes, and today they are married.

A woman by her very nature is a mystery. And when she conducts herself in accordance with the way in which God created her, she reflects this beauty and appeal in a unique way. When a woman is authentic, she calls a man to a higher standard by her very nature. Men are naturally attracted to her authentic beauty and integrity. External beauty may attract a man, but internal beauty keeps him.

Ladies, don’t ever conform to immorality to attract a man. You are worth more than that. In fact, your worth is beyond human comprehension. God created the universe, surely he didn’t forget about your future. Every woman yearns for a man who is going to protect and cherish her. My question for you is: are you conducting yourself in such a way to attract a virtuous man? Embrace the beauty of your femininity, and you will inspire a man to step up. So, instead of finding him, let him find you. Men have an inherent desire to pursue a woman, let them do that. We need to stop blaming men and become the women we were created to be, whether you are in a relationship or not.

Wait for a man who will hold your hand, instead of touching you inappropriately. Men like that do exist. And what you need to do is embrace the beauty of being an authentic woman, and you will attract just such a man.

Remember, “when a boy calls you cute, he likes your face. When he calls you hot, he likes your body. When he calls you beautiful, he likes your heart.” So wait for a man who calls you beautiful, for this is what you deserve, because that’s what you are. Let’s be authentic women ladies! Let’s embrace the beauty of our femininity.

You can’t have a relationship without vulnerability. 

And this takes work.

Let’s be real, relationships aren’t like all of the hollywood movies that are out there. There are no perfect relationships. Relationships take work, because love is a choice, not a fuzzy feeling. And the one you love should be fought for because love requires loving all of a person, the good and the not so good. Love is work. And it’s hard work. And it’s often the most challenging to love the one that is closest to us, because they are the ones that annoy us the most. But they are also the ones that make us smile because they know us, because they love us deeply. Love is desiring the good of the beloved, to sacrifice and serve the beloved without asking anything in return. To empty ourselves out of authentic sacrificial love, this is hard work and requires grace. This is love. 

The human heart is a complex thing to understand. In fact, I don’t think we can ever truly comprehend the depth of the human heart and all it’s facilities. It can love passionately one minute and be crushed the next, but admits the joy and pain it keeps beating, keeping us alive. Our hearts can give, feel pain, joy, sorrow, and be pierced with disappointment. I think everyone has experienced the pain of losing someone close to them. It hurts.

God is the ultimate example of vulnerability. He came not just to give a piece of His heart to us, but all of it. He allowed the Romans to arrest Him, spit, slap and beat Him. He opened Himself up to be scourged out of love for us, as His flesh was torn from His body and blood spilled out. They roughly submerged a crown of thorns on His head, which penetrated into His skull. Then he lovingly picked up His cross and carried it to Calvary. Along the way He thought of you and I, because we were why He chose to suffer. But He never regretted a moment of His bitter and sacred passion, He only kept loving us. When He arrived at Calvary, the soldiers violently stripped Him of His garments to the point of tearing His flesh. As they pounded nails into His scared Hands and Feet, He thought of you and I, and He kept giving until He expired His last.

So despite how the world disappoints us, the people who lie to us and let us down we must keep fighting with love in our heart. We must keep striving to open our hearts to vulnerability without the fear of being hurt. And if our heart should get hurt, we must make the choice to see beauty in the opportunity to mirror Christ’s love: to give without asking anything in return.

When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.  – Archbishop Fulton Sheen

P.S. You are enough

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