Girl, Don’t You Dare Quit
By Christine Saah:
It’s crunch time for most college students. The end of the semester is approaching and with that comes final exams and term paper deadlines. The pressure is on. Life seems a whole lot tougher at the moment, especially for those in recovery from eating disorders. We not only have to stay focused on our recovery journey and school, but we also have to face challenges within our family. We’ll be returning home to them shortly, which for me is chaotic. Recently, I’ve made great strides in several aspects of my life, but now is not the time to relax. I’ve gained momentum and must use it to get through the new challenges I am currently facing.
My most recent challenge has surprisingly not been school. I finally feel like I have that under control. My family is rather divided and I’ve recently been reunited with my sister after a 2 year absence. I thought I could handle myself accordingly with her, but the hurt, pain and anger were too much for both of us. We have some space from each other and are now both doing fine. After a huge blow up, I was feeling so guilty. I kept replaying the situation over and over again. What could I have done differently? Why couldn’t I fix it? I lost some sleep with these thoughts, but still decided to go on pilgrimage to Harper’s Ferry with my schools Militia Immaculata. This was the best decision I could have made.
I spent the day hiking and praying. We had mass, adoration, and an opportunity for confession. In confession, the priest revealed to me the way in which the devil can make even an act of charity seem like a bad thing. I helped my sister out a lot, but the devil tricked me into thinking I can change her. I can’t change her but I can still love her. It was a good thing to bring her home and I want to focus on ways in which I can really love her. Praise God for a good confession!
I wanted to share this experience, because I was so tempted to crumble under all of this. I felt like I did, but only for a little bit. I started to think that I was a horrible person. I felt like all I had accomplished the last couple of months was nothing. God revealed to me that my one struggle wasn’t directly related to my sister. Being a bad sister did not make me any less recovered from my eating disorder. I’ve come so far. The struggle with my sister is a gift from God. It’s another area of my life that I need to work on. I’ve become stronger by being built up from Christ in my struggle with ED. I constantly find myself falling on my knees crying out to God that I cannot do this on my own. That’s exactly what He wants. We are nothing without him. As Matt Maher said at a concert, Without God, we haven’t got a chance at this thing called life.
Seriously, just keep going. Do not quit on Christ. Don’t let the struggles scare you away from the cross. The struggles are the only way to find true strength.
P.S. You are enough.
