My Best Friend Broke Up With Me
By Christine Elizabeth
Last year I had a break-up with my best friend, and it was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve faced in my life. I’ve experienced sicknesses, deaths, and more but this pain was so unexpected and ripped me up inside emotionally. This best friend had been such a rock and safety for me. I even felt that she had truly led me to Christ. To have the friendship that was a core part of my conversion to deepening my relationship with Christ completely broken is indescribable.
Some of my initial thoughts were that I had to somehow fix what I did wrong, even if it was unclear what I had done, and wanted to put all of the blame for this break-up on myself. I was also so angry at God. I started to think, If this is a Christian, a real Christian, then I don’t want this faith. I thought I couldn’t go on without having this best friend of mine. It’s been about a year since this moment in my life and I’ve learned important lessons.
It’s not my job to fix everything, and it’s impossible to fix a relationship when the other person doesn’t want to. My friend had complete validity in her emotions and decisions, and I wouldn’t have wanted to have been in her shoes. I think life happens, it gets in our way, and relationships can suffer if we don’t keep honest communication in the middle of it all.
There was a lot unsaid from years ago, and it built up. I couldn’t have known this was going to happen, and I am sure she didn’t know that she’d reach a breaking point at this moment in our lives. It sucks that this happened, but I do my best to remember the Serenity Prayer that says, God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
My anger and hurt literally took over my body, mind, and soul. I couldn’t eat, all I wanted to do was cry, and I literally wanted to give up on God. I didn’t want to pray or go to Mass or do anything religious. I felt like God betrayed me, and the one person that was constant in my life at that moment was no longer there.
Death was easier to deal with than this for me, because there is a certain closure that comes in knowing the person is no longer alive. Also, people don’t really want to choose death. With my “best friend,” there was this pain knowing she was going to live this life without me by choice. This was rejection on a whole new level and triggered everything from my past rejection wounds. I really didn’t think I could go on without her.
I have been able to go on without my “best friend,” but I often do feel this aching void that she used to fill in my life. I kept going to Church and prayed even if my prayers were in anger or distrust. I gave it all over to God as best as I could. This all forced me to lean a lot more on God, and reminded me that He is the only constant in this life.
Friends come and go, but God is always there. Knowing this logically helped me focus on what I needed to do in my life this past year, but my heart still aches sometimes. This person is forever a part of my story, and if she wasn’t then I probably wouldn’t be where I am today. I am grateful for her always, and of course I pray we could reconnect one day.
I don’t think there’s only one way to grieve the loss of a relationship, but I know it’s important to accept your feelings without judgement. These feelings are all valid and need to be acknowledged. We can’t just think our way out of it. We need some accountability for ourselves so we don’t wallow in despair, because wallowing won’t move us forward out of the grief.
I reached out to my therapist and another friend when this first happened, and I am so glad I did. I couldn’t handle this loss on my own. I started to hesitate to reach out to anybody, because this would reinforce some of the issues my “best friend” had with me, but I reached out anyway. I owed it to myself to not carry this alone.
If you are experiencing any kind of grief or loss, please reach out for help. Life is hard, and we can’t do this alone. Pain does something to us that can either turn us completely against ourselves and dig us into a big black hole, or it creates an opportunity to embrace the Cross that led to our salvation.
In embracing the suffering, I truly believe we learn what love really is and discover ourselves. We learn what hurts us, what triggers us, and what’s good for us. We can learn how to overcome these things. This in turn, leads to healthier relationships, learning how to communicate better, and it can help there be less fear when facing conflict.
I encourage you to not let the fear of losing another friend keep you from being open to making new friends. We are made for community, even if it’s complicated or messy at times. Don’t be afraid to walk this life alongside others, and especially don’t be afraid to walk with Jesus at your side.
P.S. You are enough.