Perfectionism is Deadly
By Christine Saah:
Perfection was something I always aimed for. I wanted the perfect grades, perfect body, and perfect life. Perfection almost ruined me. The desires I had became flawed and a nagging sensation that never left my side. The pressure was self-imposed so no matter how much I tried to reason that I was being too hard on myself, I could never win the battle. Even with Christ at the front of the battle for my heart, I could not fully let go of the perfectionist in me. Only recently did I start to let go and let God. Letting go is not so much one action, but it’s a series of actions.
Sometimes I deceive myself and think that I’m not worried about being perfect, but I see myself trying to do it for God. If I say this many Rosaries, go to this many Masses, or pray for this long, I will be perfect. I start to think if I have the perfect prayer schedule, I’ll be perfect and God will want me. It’s a wonderful thing to pray and the desire is good, but God won’t be mad if I don’t have the perfect routine. A lot of times the reason I want the perfect routine is to prevent bad things from happening. As much as I plan and plan, I’ve had bad things happen to me that were beyond my control. Perfectionism is deadly. It can even get in between me and God. Don’t let it! Take back control by giving the control back to God.
I’ve come a long way in recovery and realizing just how much I need to give up control is scary. The Gospel on Sunday said “We must obey God rather than men.” When I’m trying to control everything in my life by obeying what the world defines as perfection, I am not obeying God. The world has set these standards for what gives a person worth and value, and frankly the world cannot define me. I was created for something so much greater than the world. So were you! We were made for so much more!
To be honest, I’ll be working on letting go of things the rest of my life. The desire to be perfect is still with me most of the time but I am making the choice to fight it. If I want to be recovered, I have to fight for it. I want to be able to say I AM RECOVERED! You can do it too! I believe in you!
P.S. You are enough.