Sexual Abuse: A Story of Survival, Hope and Healing

By an Anonymous Guest Blogger:

I can’t recall how I found out about your website, but it has definitely been a life saver these last few months. I read every blog you post and even if the main topic doesn’t necessarily relate to my life, bits of it stand out to me and help me get through some of the moments in my life. I decided to share my story with you. I think it’s important for me to share my story in order to help me move on and to help other girls who are in the same place as me. So here goes:

Being a kid was always so much fun, you never thought too much, the most pain you experienced was falling down on the playground. Everyone was your friend but you had those few people who were your best friends. For me that was exactly my childhood. I was going to Catholic school and being raised Catholic by my parents. My parents, my 5 siblings and I would fill up the whole pew every Sunday. Besides being somewhat large, our family was a typical American family. Until one day everything changed.

When I was in 5th grade I was sexually molested by one of my brothers. At first it all seemed normal, we were just playing house, sadly I did not think much of it. It was not until I walked in on him and my little sister doing things that I knew at that age were not right. They did not know I was in the room right next to them and I surprised them when I walked in. I quickly ran to my room, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what I had just seen. I was terrified, I knew I had to tell someone so eventually I told my older sister who made me tell my mom. That was the most terrifying moment of my life. I felt as if I was betraying everyone in my family, I thought I was tearing our family apart.Eventually, we got the police involved and my brother was taken away from my family for a few years and I was placed in counseling.

I was very confused as to why I was in counseling and why my parents were not dealing with it. As a child I just wanted my mom to comfort me and tell me everything was okay, so because of my stubbornness I would not talk to my counselor and just sat there in my sessions braiding my hair. Eventually, I was taken out of counseling because it was not helping me, little did I know that I needed to talk about it.

All the events that had happened left me so confused and I would put the blame on myself. I blamed myself for sending my brother away and for the divisions within my family. I convinced myself that my mom hated me and that I could never talk to her about anything. I had very low self-esteem and told myself I could trust no one. I would not open up to anyone, I was a closed book. However, my junior year in high school memories of my childhood would flashback in my mind. Topics in school would be brought up that made me extremely uncomfortable and would make me want to run out of the room. No one knew my life, no one talked about what happened. That was the rule, keep everything inside. In my junior year of high school I turned to self-harm. Cutting myself was a lot easier than the pain of remembering everything I went through and everything I had done. It was the thing I controlled. The summer before I had gone on a retreat and found a friend that I felt comfortable around.

I knew that I could trust, so for the first time I opened up, I told her everything. She just sat there and listened. She didn’t judge me, she loved me. After I opened up, she told me the words I knew I was going to hear, but didn’t want to hear. She told me that she understood how hard it was, but  that I needed to go to counseling again and heal from all the pain in the past. At first, I was angry. I had just told her how much I hated it and how I didn’t want to. However, I knew she was right. I had thought about it constantly, I even brought it up in my prayers to God. I hated therapy, but I knew I had to go back.

After a bunch of convincing and lots of tears, prayers and fights, my friend finally got me to go. I found a counselor and braved the sessions where I would unleash my deepest secrets. It probably has been one of the most beautiful blessings in my life. I went from never talking about anything to being able to talk about everything. I still go to counseling and it is so much easier now. I am becoming more confident with who I am as a person and finding my worth inside me. I am grateful for all of my friends help. The Lord certainly knew what He was doing by placing her in my life. She helped me help myself.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Your website has inspired me so much. Like I said I read it constantly. I even share it with one of my friends who is struggling with an eating disorder. It has helped me be a better friend in supporting her, and has also allowed me to see my dignity and worth. Thank you so much for starting this beautiful ministry. It is because of Made in His Image that I know I am enough.

P.S. You are enough.