The Long Road to Healing
By Lauryn Arvizo
When I was a child, growing up with all brothers, falling down and scraping a knee or elbow was a regular occurrence. Like all kids do I would immediately run to my mom or dad and would find comfort in their arms while they did all they could to help and heal me. I still remember a time when my brother and I were playing in the kitchen and I made a turn, tripped and fell on my face. My parents weren’t home, and I longed for their comfort and healing touch to stop the pain.
Somewhere along the way of growing up I stopped asking for help and comfort when I was hurt or in pain. Not only did I do this for my physical pain, but I did this for my emotional pain. I not only hid my suffering and pain from my family and friends, but I hid it from God.
In high school, I lost who I was. I lost the girl who I wanted to be and I turned into a girl that I never thought I would become. I tried to find my identity in what the world told me would fulfill me. I longed for love. I longed for friendship. I found false happiness, and fake relationships of use. I got into a relationship with a boy that was physically abusive. I was not only in physical pain everyday but my mental health was suffering and yet I hid it all from those who loved me.
I eventually got out of that relationship and tried to cover up that part of my life. I tried to move on and I justified in my mind that I did not need to heal. I could do this by myself. Because of all this pain that I had dealt with I suffered tremendously from suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety.
I went back and forth with different counselors and therapy sessions. Often times I was just trying to fight this all on my own. We need others to help us see clearly what we are going through because often times when we are in the dark valley, we can’t see clearly the road ahead of us. I was blessed with parents that never gave up on me and encouraged me to seek healing. Most importantly they showed me that although the road to healing was not going to be easy, our God was going to love me through it all. The most important part of my road to healing was when I invited Jesus to walk with me, to come into the darkness. I asked Him to show me His love amongst the dark times in my life. As He did that, I began to heal.
Too many times we think we cannot be loved, we cannot be called worthy or enough in the midst of our brokenness. But we can. God never stops loving us, He never stops calling us HIS. One lie that I believed throughout this was no one would want to be my friend knowing that I struggled so deeply with depression. I was broken and who would want to be friends with a girl that was so hard to love?
When friends or family would try to help I would at first be angry, not wanting them to love me. Looking back, I’m thankful they cared enough about me. In some ways they showed me God’s love for me. Their love never left, just like His love never leaves us.
You see the important part about God’s love is that He loves us where we are. God’s love stops at nothing to Heal our broken souls. His love doesn’t want us to stay where we are when we are in a place of hurt and heartache. Although the road of healing for me was not at all easy, His love poured over me and gave me strength. He showed me that among the brokenness I was still called, worthy, enough and I was loved immensely, not just by Him but by the people He put in my life.
I believed so many lies about myself in the past and it’s easy to get caught up in the lies but the truth is what sets us free. The truth is that you are loved, you are enough and you are worthy by His grace.
My road to healing is still an ongoing battle. God sees my scars and the places in me that were once dead, and He is bringing hope, love and resurrection. He is making something beautiful out of me. I now find my true identity in Jesus Christ, the one who loved me in the dark nights and the beautiful mornings. He loves you as He finds you. Life with Christ is a beautiful adventure.
P.S. You are enough.