Therapy: What it’s really like
By Clarissa Danen | Guest Blogger
I remember when counseling was first brought up to me. It was by Maura Byrne, the founder of Made in His Image. I then told my core leader who also started encouraging it. At the time I had so many thoughts running through my head. I don’t have a problem, only crazy people see counselors, what are my parents going to think and counselors are monsters. I thought all of these thoughts and more. Maura found me a counselor and I decided to call, when I called I found out that the counselor was not currently seeing people I was so happy because I found an excuse. Yes, I don’t have to see a counselor, was my very first thought. Before I knew it my mom found messages I had written to my core leader and found out about my eating disorder relapse. That was it, I was put in counseling.
I will never forget my first appointment. When I was sitting in the waiting room terrified of what was going to happen a lady walked out to drop off her patient. It was at that exact moment I knew she was my counselor.
After my first appointment I was still terrified of counseling. I was so scared. I thought counselors where the monsters that hid under your bed (I am not kidding). I was still turning to my core leader for help. I feel so bad because he had no idea how to help me. With every appointment I would go to and refuse to speak to my counselor the more I got frustrated with my self and the more I would convince myself that she was a monster. I didn’t understand why everyone said that counseling was so beneficial.
Was I doing something wrong? It was a Tuesday night. I was doing math homework and it was at that point that I realized I was letting my fear get in the way of my recovery. I started praying that God would help me open up to my counselor and help me control my fear. It worked. I realized that I was depending way to much on my core leader and that I should talk to my counselor, the person my parents were paying to help me recover. My next appointment was AMAZING! My counselor was no longer a big scary monster. That was the first time I cried in an appointment and the first time I left feeling good about myself.
My counselor and I now have an amazing relationship. I love and look forward to every appointment and phone call! We even have parties when we look at my progress with recovery. Don’t let your fear get in the way! Trust me, counselors are not scary monsters. Do it, make that phone call, be open with your counselor for once. It will change your life and make your journey in recovery and your struggles so much easier to deal with. I know I am so much further with my recovery than I was about two weeks ago because I chose to be open and not look at my counselor as a monster.
P.S. You are enough.