When You are Struggling to Stand, but Longing to Run.

Below is a story of hope I received from a woman. I hope it inspires you to continue to persevere in your journey of healing. Please know that MIHI is here to serve you and don’t hesitate to contact us.

I appreciate all the work with you and thought I would share a success I had tonight. I’ve been struggling a lot lately, and it’s been really hard for me to get through a single day without either restricting or binging and purging. Today, I ate dinner with my mom before going to my evening chemistry lab. When I got out of the car and was walking into the building, I was overcome with a desire to purge. It’s still really uncomfortable for me to sit with and digest meals because I’m not used to it, so I was both physically and mentally uncomfortable.

As I was walking, I thought to myself, Something has got to change. This has to end somewhere. I started saying Hail Mary’s in tune with my walking steps. Then I thought of you and decided to say a prayer to Padre Pio, whom I’ve actually never prayed for before. I asked him to pray for me, that I may have the strength not to purge.

Well, I made it through the night. I sat down outside of my lab even though I was early, and I started up a conversation with one of my lab partners and ended up getting through the anxiety. Days like this give me hope, which I’m a little low on these days.

I still remember the day you came and visited me in the hospital and shared part of your story with me. I felt honored and inspired. I know that one day I can achieve the kind of recovery that the Lord has blessed you with. I’m trying to make peace with the fact that this is a long and difficult journey, and honestly, I’m not very good at suffering in patience. I just want it to be over already, and I get frustrated.

Reading your blog helps me remember that there is a kind of beauty to suffering, to sharing our own personal crosses, and to connecting with God and with His children through suffering. In fact, had I never hit the low that I hit in my early college years, I probably still wouldn’t be going to Mass today. So there are blessings if we look hard enough. Thank you for encouraging me to look hard enough.