Adopting a Survivor’s Heart


By Erin McNew | Staff Writer

Photo Credit | Donna Irene Photography

I fell in love after the relationship I never thought I’d bounce back from. And you know what? It’s still a struggle sometimes. It’s still a struggle when the man I want to spend the rest of my life with unknowingly says things that trigger memories of the man I wish would never cross my mind. When he has to dry the tears that result from the scars left by another. When he’s left struggling to understand the shattered pieces of something he never broke in the first place.

Let me tell you ladies, sometimes we find ourselves fighting a fight we never pictured ourselves dealing with in the first place. Sometimes we find ourselves surviving the wounds of an aggressor we never realized was a danger to our heart. And sometimes we find ourselves healing with a man by our side that we never thought we’d come across after our hearts were broken.

I’ve heard you never truly know how strong you are until you’re made weak. And I believe that’s true. But sometimes I’d like to take that thought one step further, sometimes I think it takes feeling unloved to realize how deserving of love you really are.

Now, I’m sure some of you are already shutting down and 8 months ago I would have been too. I would have faced the thought of me being lovable pretty harshly. I would have taken blame for things that weren’t my fault as evidence for my attitude. And as I look back on it, I know I would have been wrong.

When someone treats us wrong, we really find ourselves at our own mercy rather than God’s. I’m no psychiatrist, but there really is something about instances of abuse that increase our temptation to turn into ourselves. We turn into ourselves and seek justification for our aggressor. We wonder how we could have let something like that happen to ourselves, we wonder what we did to deserve those behaviors, we wonder how we could have stopped it, but we very rarely subtract ourselves from the situation and admit to ourselves that our situation was not our fault. That despite the fact that we were not given proper love, we were deserving of it all along. That one person’s lack of respect for us does not make us undeserving of respect. That one’s person lack of attention towards us does not deem us anything less than a priority for the right person. And it certainly does not mean that we have been made unlovable in the eyes of God.

God loves us at our darkest. He loved you before it, He loved you through it, and He’ll love you after it. And not only that, but He’ll write purpose across a shattered heart. He’ll take the broken pieces and put them back together in such a way that you are made even more beautiful than before if you allow Him to. He’ll look into your eyes and make your tears His own as He seeks healing for you. He’ll whisper the words you’ve been deprived of into your ear until your mind and heart begin to echo them to your soul.

You, love, are a survivor. Society boasts of them all the time – cancer survivors, war heroes, accident survivors – humanity has a love affair for the stories of those who fight against the odds and come out stronger than ever before. Let your story escape your lips and inspire those in similar situations as your burden is lightened by the support of your brothers and sisters in Christ. Let your story be a testament to the love and mercy of God.

“I loved you at your darkest.” – Romans 5:8

P.S. You are enough.

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