Hey, I Don’t Even Know You, But We Are Getting Married

By Erin McNew | Staff Writer

Photo credit: Donna Irene Photography

Over the years I’ve become really infatuated with a poem called I Will Wait For You. It presents a really modern and relatable stance on chastity that I just can’t get out of my head, and, more importantly, it talks a little about the side of chastity we often neglect to address, emotion chastity. Now, this could just be me, but the emotional side of chastity is, in my experiences, much more difficult than the physical side. Some of you may be confused at this point. Aren’t they the same thing? Not even close.

A big part of emotional chastity is understanding that just because you have feelings for someone doesn’t mean you’re going to marry them. As obvious as that seems, I think it’s a lot easier said than done. Emotional chastity always calls to mind a quote from 500 Days of Summer for me, actually. The little sister tells her brother that, “just because she likes the same bizarro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.” As ineloquent as that is, I know that I am just as guilty as some of you probably are of thinking this way. Just because you have a few kind of obscure things in common with someone does not mean you are meant to marry them. In fact, those of us that are not currently bound by the institution of marriage can scarcely understand it. Honestly, I’m learning that sometimes you don’t even have to have similar interests to get along with someone. We treat marriage like the answer to an equation. Like the combination of Y and Z must equal X. Like if someone possesses a particular set of qualities we set forth upon entering a relationship then they must be the one. But that’s a lie. Love is unpredictable. We look and look and look for it and the minute we stop looking it sneaks up behind us to pinch us in the butt and make us blush. And from that minute on we realize that everything is different. And, in the process of looking for love we forget the value of single living. We forget how much we still have to learn about ourselves and how much preparation our heart still requires in order for us to love like we were created to.

I often encounter a lot of criticism from people when they find out that I am committed to chastity. People view it as being too traditional and unnecessary. But my belief is essentially the polar opposite of this, I try my best not to judge people who chose not to commit to it, I do believe that it is an appropriate approach to love. A person’s body is the ultimate gift they can give someone. I find it to be more easily controlled than the heart. And, assuming that God put someone special on this earth for us, I figure that the least I can do for that person is save the greatest gift I can intentionally give for them.

Another question I often encounter from people is whether or not I would be okay with marrying someone who was not committed to chastity as an adolescent. To this, I basically have one answer: if I am called to love my spouse with the love of God, how could I possibly hold that against them? The love of God understands our mistakes, forgives us for our transgressions, heals our hearts, and accepts us as we are deserving of love. If someone is willing to respect my values and love me, who am I to turn them away?

Don’t ever forget that you deserve the absolute best. Bruises and scars do not define you, the love within you defines you. You deserve to be loved. And someone does love you. Don’t discourage, and don’t ever believe that your past defines your future. They are two separate entities connected only by the present. And you control the present. Seek the guidance of our Savior and put your heart into everything you do. It’s too beautiful a thing to keep hidden away.

P.S. You are enough.